Which one is the accelerator? And that’s not the brake pedal? Can I drive without shifting gears?

When you are a new parent, you always want to start driving your own car. You want to get around without having to hire a taxi because that’s just one more guy to speak to! When you start learning, you have so many questions in your mind. You are also barraged with so much information from everybody around you. All this can lead to so much confusion and naturally, a comedy of errors.

Let’s see how we view each control in the car and how we think we should use it.

1.       Accelerator

It is meant for amateur drivers to step on when the gear is in neutral so that the car screams. Or when they have to press the brake but their feet automatically choose the accelerator. It is also a magic button to escape from finger flipping passersby, especially when you spray them with a generous dose of muddy water.

2.       Brake

It is an on/off switch. There are no middle states. You slam on the brake pedal faster than how your kid reacts when you start to eat/sleep. I get it. You are just an innocent parent who wants to see if your baby will sleep when you at least rock the car at very high frequencies.

3.       Clutch

As the name probably implies, you clutch on to it for dear life. Never mind the fact that clutch replacement is not covered in warranty.

Vehicle is too slow and you can’t quite accelerate? Clutch.

Vehicle is too fast and you can’t quite slow it down in time? Clutch.

Left leg getting too bored? Clutch.

Stuck in traffic that won’t move for at least an hour and too lazy to shift to neutral? Clutch.

Any other situation? Clutch.

4.       Gearshift Lever

Even if it an automatic car, I need to keep my hands on the gear lever. I don’t need two hands to work the steering wheel or other controls. I will just rest my hand on the lever and appear confident.

5.       Hazard Lights

I will drive on the wrong side of the road and I am a hazard to all of you. Do what you can. Or I have parked in the middle of the road and I have plugged in my earphones. I don’t want to be disturbed. I won’t use the hazard lights in real situations like road obstruction or anything.

6.      Turn Indicators

What? What do you mean indicators? Where are they, inside the car? My car? You mean I should use them for every turn? *An almighty roll of the eyes* No, just the turns you actually want to take.

7.       Horn

You always complain that I don’t use the controls on the car. See, the horn is always on. Satisfied? I am trying to learn a song and how else will I remember the tune if I don’t play it on my horn?

8.       Rear-view Mirrors

I know I look good.  I just saw it in that other guy’s mirror. Why would I use mine? If I open them out, some guy will break it.

9.       Passenger Seat-belt

Look, there’s no beeping sound right? The cop will see only the driver. What? The airbag will work only if you plug the belt in? What’s an airbag? Can I recline on it?

10.   Headlights

Quick. Flash your light. That motorcycle is about to move and I want to jump the signal. I have to let him know that I am a speeding driver.

Bonus – Steering Wheel – That is where the horn is. Does it have another purpose?

What are your “favourite” controls in a car? Let me know in the comments below!