When you are a parent, you feel that there are too many tabs open at the same time. If you close one tab, two more will immediately open, along with a popup window too. Such is the nature of parenting. As a rule, the number of tabs (chores) increases tenfold with a second child.
After some time, you realize that you have superpowers you never dreamed of.
You can speak multiple languages in many dialects
Try saying ‘ice cream’ to your partner in front of your kids. Even if you spell it out, they will be on to you before you complete I-C-E. So you naturally learn another language and maybe say helado. Don’t be surprised if you end up teaching them a whole new language by the end of this exercise.
My British accent is better than ever (complete with the prim English frown), thanks to Peppa Pig. Also, I never realized my mouth and face have so many muscles – I use all of them to mimic what my kids say in their adorable dialect.
Nothing is disgusting anymore
A toy-strewn floor with half a jar of jam and the other half on your toddler’s feet? Bring it on!
Poop and pee puddles everywhere you turn? And your wallet right in the middle of the puddle? Okay, big deal right? No, not really.
You get so used to clearing up after your kids that nothing can ever bring up a cringe of disgust on your face.
You are suddenly the miser in the family
“Oh yes, I think I will buy this audio system. The bass effects are awesome”.
Of course, you wouldn’t buy it. Why would you? Do you want to wake the kids up? Or would you rather wink at your partner because there is silence in the world again? Trust me, you would want to savour the silence. And thank the kids. They just saved you a ton of money!
You also start hunting for a lot of bargains and coupon codes because – let’s face it – diapers and tissues burn through our wallets and there’s no rash cream for that!
You can lift all sorts of weights
I have recently started to lift both my kids (all 25 kg of them) simultaneously to do a kind of tribal dance. I think it keeps me in shape! More importantly, it is so easy to lift other ‘heavy’ objects now. I casually twirl my little finger around the rim of the gas cylinder (yes, there are still some of us living in pre-historic caves without piped gas supply) and stroll through the house. Water cans are even easier, trust me!
You also learn to tolerate pain. A lot of it. I am not referring to childbirth or anything. Nothing is even close to it and I can only empathize as a father. I am talking about the razor-sharp nail that you just stepped on – or at least you think it’s a nail. It may very well be a tiny Lego piece or a shard of broken glass. There’s no difference. It was there on the ground precisely because you didn’t put it away, even after your wife asked you to do so multiple times. You put on a brave face, bite your lip, abruptly swallow the piece of chocolate you originally wanted to chew, and walk away.
You have a Third Eye
Don’t be fooled when there is silence. Especially when the kids are awake. Parenthood bestows you with the best superpower of them all – a Third Eye. You can detect abnormality before it happens. Of course you can’t stop your kids from skating across the floor on oil they just spilled.
The Third Eye also helps you project a mask of calmness that belies the seething rage within. You stop fretting over small things, like broken toys or crockery. You slowly let it go after a while.
You also wonder if you should encourage your kids to take up art as a profession. Your walls are anyway full of their graffiti and pencil work. Why not earn some money while you are at it?
But then, they come running back to you and jump on your lap and you forget everything. That is the life of a parent. It is hard, but infinitely rewarding.
What superpowers do you have? Let me know in the comments below!